Dear Guy Sitting Behind Me Here in Starbucks:
I hear you. You probably don’t realize I hear you, because you keep screaming into your phone. Like THIS! You’re yelling and barking, over … and … over … and … over. I’m not sure who you’re speaking with, but telecommunication technology is pretty strong these days. So he/she probably hears you quite well. So why scream?
Are you unaware that I’m here, two inches away, cursing your existence? Do you not see me here? The others here? Do we not matter, because—yet again—you need to scream into your phone? Scream directions. Scream ideas. Scream sports predictions and instructions and well wishes. Really, you need your pants ironed? Really, you think C.C. Sabathia’s on the rebound? Really, your nose itches?
On behalf of everyone here, thanks for letting us know.