It was big news yesterday when—OMG!—Kim Kardashian, Kris Kardashian and Cait Jenner posed for a selfie at a family birthday party.
And, indeed, it’s sorta historic. I mean, how often do the world’s three biggest media whores share a frame?
By whores, I mean, well, whores. The definition of the word, via dictionary.com, is: A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money; prostitute; harlot; strumpet. And while Kim is the only one of the three with a sex tape, Kim, Kris and Cait have all sold themselves. Not sexually, per se, but they’ve peddled their souls and lives to the camera; to fame; to Twitter feeds and Facebook likes and Google searches. By now, I’m quite certain none of the women can separate real life from virtual life. In fact, there probably is no difference. Much like an actor who plays a character for too many seasons (Gary Coleman as Arnold Jackson?), the Kim Kardashian we see on TV is the Kim Kardashian who farts (if she farts) and burps (if she burps) and whose breath smells—on occasion—of tuna and onions. There is no divide. Public life is private life. Private life is public life.
And this would be OK, I suppose, if it DIDN’T ANNOY THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF ME! IF I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE REFLEXIVELY VOMITING EVERY TIME I SEE THEIR FACES! IF I DIDN’T TURN LEFT AND SEE ONE KARDASHIAN, TURN RIGHT AND SEE THE OTHER! HELL, I’M WRITING IN ALL CAPS! AND USING MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!! WHICH I HATE DOING!!!!!!!! BUT THIS IS MY LIFE! AND I’M ANGRY! FUCKING KARDASHIANS! FUCKING KARDASHIANS! FUCKING …
Deep breaths. Be the ball. Deep breaths …
Lord, I hate them.
PS: That said, it’s an interesting twist that Cait is the hottest of the three.