IK Enemkpali

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I grew up a New York Jets fan. Which means I’ve seen some crazy shit in my day. The Jets were the Jets when Mark Gastineau fell in love with Brigitte Nielsen, had her name tattooed on his ass and suddenly lost his interest in (and ability for) sacking quarterbacks. The Jets were the Jets when, in the 1991 Draft, they were 100-percent ready to take Brett Favre—then failed to move up and were stuck with Browning Nagle. The Jets were the Jets when Freeman McNeil broke the 1987 strike line and—despite being America’s nicest human—was bashed by one teammate after another. The Jets selected Blair Thomas over Emmitt Smith, Ken O’Brien over Dan Marino. They hired Bruce Coslett as coach instead of Mike Holmgren, traded up for the No. 2 spot in the 1980 Draft to get Lam Jones.

Today, however, marks a new low.

According to multiple reports Geno Smith—the starting quarterback who was (gasp!) apparently playing well in camp—is now out for much of the season. Why? Because someone named IK Enemkpali apparently sucker punched him in a locker room brawl, breaking his jaw. Here’s the story.

This is bad news for Smith, but awesome news for IK Enemkpali, who was immediately cut by the team; whose NFL career is forever over. So, eh, why awesome? Because IK Enemkpali, who played six games for the Jets last season, is now immortal. Before today, he was a nobody linebacker from Louisiana Tech; a former sixth-round pick with the 2015 Q-rating of Aaron Carter (sorry, Aaron). Now, the guy’s name is about to be morphed into a verb (“Holy shit—did you see Johnny just IK Enemkpali that guy?”), an adjective (“That asshole is really IK Enemkpali!”), even an exclamation (“Dang IK Enemkpali!”).

Most of us are born, we live, we die. Dust in the wind.

But not IK Enemkpali.

He’s immortal.

PS: That said, his Twitter profile just vanished.

2 thoughts on “IK Enemkpali”

  1. I saw this story earlier and couldn’t believe it.
    Then I read Ikemefuna also got in a bar fight and hit a cop when he was 19.
    Apparently you really can’t fix stupid.

  2. I just knew, just knew…that Rex was going to pick this guy up. And he did. Rex belongs in the WWE, he’d be the greatest heel manager.

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