JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Does feeling this way make me a dick?

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I started the morning working at J.C. Beans, my favorite Southern California coffee shop.

If one were to make a checklist of quality cafes, J.C. Beans meets ’em all. Clean. Cozy. Temperature controlled. Indoor-outdoor seating. Cool music. Cool music that’s not too loud. Excellent drinks. Healthy food.

Great.

And I was happy. And productive. Drinking, writing. Writing, drinking.

And then, a barista showed up to start his shift.

And he began to whistle.

And whistle.

And whistle.

And whistle.

And whistle.

It was painfully annoying. Nails on a chalkboard. A broken house alarm at 3 am. Fran Drescher singing Laura Branigan. He whistled and whistled and whistled, and he looked so happy doing so. But … it was the worst. And I wanted to ask him to refrain from whistling. But who asks a happy guy to refrain from whistling? I mean, save for punching a flower salesman, you couldn’t do a more dickish thing on a sunny Friday afternoon.

So now I’m in Starbucks.