Several years ago, while driving from Point A to Point B, I found myself listening to conservative talk radio. The fantastic Sean Hannity was discussing God, and how—whenever he sees the splendor of a sunset—he knows a higher power is working His magic.
I scoffed, because I’m pretty much a non-believer. But then, last night, everything changed, and I am now 100-percent with Sean. There is a God, and He is great.
How do I know? Because if one visits this website, he will be directed toward a project that is pure holiness. It is a pad, placed gently inside your underwear, that transforms the scent of a fart from shit to mint. Wait. I feel the need to say this again, as an exclamation: Your farts can now smell like mint!
Now, I’m not the world’s biggest farter. But I’ve smelled plenty, and it’s never enjoyable. For some reason, I’m generally unable to let the scent come and go. My brain forces me to recognize that another humanoid’s fermented ass gas has escaped a bowel and landed in my nasal passage. This is not pleasant, and results in inevitable grumpiness/disgust. But now, thanks to the good people at Colonial Medical Assisted Devices, that same fermented ass gas will smell like a winter green Life Safer. Which doesn’t change the fact that I’m still inhaling ass byproduct. But … well, nobody’s perfect.
The point is, God created man, and man created mint-scented farts.