JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Trump’s tax returns, Zimmerman’s gun

Trump•Zimmerman 2016: Make America Fucked Up Again.
Trump•Zimmerman 2016: Make America Fucked Up Again.

Weird day.

First, Donald Trump announced he would not provide access to his tax returns.

Second, George Zimmerman made clear his intent to auction off the gun he used to shoot Trayvon Martin.

The two items were presented separately by the various news outlets, but, truly, they’re emotionally tied together. How? First, Donald Trump is the living embodiment of rural, unenlightened dunderhead white rage. He’s the man who wants to ban Muslims from entering the country; who wants to round up 11 million illegal immigrants and ship them off to wherever; who wants to build a really, really, really big wall. Trump was one of the leaders of the birther movement against Barack Obama. When, in 1989, five African-Americans were wrongly accused of raping a woman in Central Park, Trump paid $85,000 for advertising space in four New York City newspapers. Under the headline “Bring Back The Death Penalty. Bring Back The Police!” and above his signature, Trump wrote: “I want to hate these muggers and murderers. They should be forced to suffer and, when they kill, they should be executed for their crimes. They must serve as examples so that others will think long and hard before committing a crime or an act of violence.”

Second, George Zimmerman is the living embodiment of rural, unenlightened dunderhead whites fighting back. He’s the guy who stood up and decided not to take it any longer. These black punks, with their hoodies and their rap music and their … eh, hoodies and rap music. So, when Zimmerman felt threatened, he fired his gun and killed a kid. Because, clearly, the kid deserved to die. You know, the hoodie and all.

Just as fools are defending Trump’s refusal to offer up his returns (He’s sticking it to the man and playing by his own rules!), fools will rush to bid on Zimmerman’s weapon. He has said he’ll use the profit to fight against Hillary Clinton and Black Lives Matter, which is catnip to the ears of the moronic. He has also called Obama a “ignorant baboon” and Tweeted a photo of Martin’s body. Beneath the posting of the gun, he wrote “Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum”—Latin for “if you wish peace, prepare for war.”

Um, yeah.

So, good news angry white people who think you’ve lost your country: The Donald is standing his ground, and George Zimmerman stood his ground.

And now, for a mere $5,000 opening bid, you can stand your ground, too.

Have fun with that.