How do you say, “I’m a stud” in Russian?

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So about three minutes ago I was on the homepage for the Philadelphia Daily News when the above advertisement popped up.

Because I absolutely love meeting hot Russian ladies online, I clicked the box and was transported to what can only be considered a wonderland. There were ladies. Lots and lots of ladies. And they all apparently want me—based upon my answer to seven simple questions. Including this one …

Screen Shot 2016-07-18 at 12.44.49 AMI mean … duh. The answer is C. IT DEPENDS IF THEY’RE RUSSIAN. But because that wasn’t an option, I mindlessly clicked YES. From there … bliss. I was introduced to a buffet of lovely Russian ladies who love me. For example, this gal, the strangely dressed Natali …

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And her friend, Lubov …

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Now, some might find it suspicious that the books behind Lubov are all in English. But not me. See, a soulmate is a soulmate, and the moment I saw Lubov make that pouty face while running her hair through her hand, I knew we were destined to be together here in the United States. So now all I have to do is call the number, punch in Lubov’s nickname (which happens to be “C725797″—Russian for “sexy lady”) and pay a couple of thousand bucks.

Давайте секс, русская женщина !

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