Was skimming through the 1984 Pittsburgh Maulers media guide this morning when I stumbled upon the above advertisement. It made me sad on a solid 832 different levels.
On the base level, can you imagine the phone conversation between Bill Mazeroski and Bill Mazeroski’s agent.
Agent: “Bill, I have an exciting opportunity for you!”
Bill: “Sweet. I’ve been waiting to do some more broadcasting!”
Agent: “Well, it’s not quite that …”
Bill: “Ah, terrific. I love corporate speaking …”
Agent: “Ah …”
Bill: “Birthday parties can be fun.”
Agent: “Ahem …”
Bill: “Balloon animals?”
Agent: Silence.
Bill: “I’m really good at imitating cats.”
Agent: Silence
Bill: Silence.
Agent: Silence.
Bill: Silence.
Agent: Silence.
Bill: “Chuck, just tell me …”
Agent: “Well, how do you feel about Scorecard Harry’s?”
Bill: “The restaurant? It’s fine.”
Agent: “Right. They want you to star in their advertising campaign.”
Bill: “That sounds promising.”
Agent: “The premise (cough) is, (cough) ‘Your heyday is (cough) long past, and now (cough) nobody remembers you.” (Cough).
Bill: “I don’t quite follow, Chuck.”
Agent: “You’re sitting at a table, eating some food. Maybe wearing a jacket and tie. And the headline reads, ‘Do you know me?'”
Bill: “Jesus, Chuck, that sounds pretty humiliating. Do you think they’d change it to ‘Bill Maz loves steak!’?”
Agent: “I don’t think so.”
Bill: “Maybe an old photo of me in a Pirates uniform, flexing?”
Agent: “Unlikely.”
Bill: “How about me with some hot chicks and a beer?”
Agent: “Not probable.”
Bill: “Sheesh. This sucks, Chuck.”
Agent: “It pays $5,000.”
Bill: “I’m in.”
The irony is that everyone in Pittsburgh knew who Bill Mazeroski was.
I don’t know what Mazeroski made as a player but it was pennies compared to salaries of today. He probably made more money appearing in that ad than in a month of playing for the Pirates in the fifties and early sixties. Good for him.
American Express did a whole series of “Do You Know Me?” ads. Apparently, it’s not too humiliating if the money is right.