Bill Mazeroski and the saddest ad

Screen Shot 2016-09-07 at 9.01.30 AMWas skimming through the 1984 Pittsburgh Maulers media guide this morning when I stumbled upon the above advertisement. It made me sad on a solid 832 different levels.

On the base level, can you imagine the phone conversation between Bill Mazeroski and Bill Mazeroski’s agent.

Agent: “Bill, I have an exciting opportunity for you!”

Bill: “Sweet. I’ve been waiting to do some more broadcasting!”

Agent: “Well, it’s not quite that …”

Bill: “Ah, terrific. I love corporate speaking …”

Agent: “Ah …”

Bill: “Birthday parties can be fun.”

Agent: “Ahem …”

Bill: “Balloon animals?”

Agent: Silence.

Bill: “I’m really good at imitating cats.”

Agent: Silence

Bill: Silence.

Agent: Silence.

Bill: Silence.

Agent: Silence.

Bill: “Chuck, just tell me …”

Agent: “Well, how do you feel about Scorecard Harry’s?”

Bill: “The restaurant? It’s fine.”

Agent: “Right. They want you to star in their advertising campaign.”

Bill: “That sounds promising.”

Agent: “The premise (cough) is, (cough) ‘Your heyday is (cough) long past, and now (cough) nobody remembers you.” (Cough).

Bill: “I don’t quite follow, Chuck.”

Agent: “You’re sitting at a table, eating some food. Maybe wearing a jacket and tie. And the headline reads, ‘Do you know me?'”

Bill: “Jesus, Chuck, that sounds pretty humiliating. Do you think they’d change it to ‘Bill Maz loves steak!’?”

Agent: “I don’t think so.”

Bill: “Maybe an old photo of me in a Pirates uniform, flexing?”

Agent: “Unlikely.”

Bill: “How about me with some hot chicks and a beer?”

Agent: “Not probable.”

Bill: “Sheesh. This sucks, Chuck.”

Agent: “It pays $5,000.”

Bill: “I’m in.”

3 thoughts on “Bill Mazeroski and the saddest ad”

  1. I don’t know what Mazeroski made as a player but it was pennies compared to salaries of today. He probably made more money appearing in that ad than in a month of playing for the Pirates in the fifties and early sixties. Good for him.

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