People I Would Vote for Over Donald Trump
(A serious list)
Hillary Clinton
Joe Biden
Jeb Bush
Marco Rubio
John Kasich
John Rocker
Any member of Menudo
Jay-Z
Will Clark
Mary Tyler Moore
The guy in the Elmo Suit
The guy on 42nd Street in the Elmo Suit
My dad
My mom
My dead grandmother
The woman who used to live next door but had Alzheimer’s and was moved into a home
Rick Perry
Luke Perry
Former Los Angeles Ram quarterback Jeff Kemp
The clerk at my local CVS
Amy Adams
Ned Yost
The poop I made an hour ago
Norma, my wife’s 97-year-old grandmother
Norma, my cockapoo (named after my wife’s 97-year-old grandmother)
Jon Bon Jovi
Adam Lambert
Kanye West
My iPhone 6 (despite the awful upgrade)
The artist formerly known as Bruce Jenner
Sixto Lezcano
Pete Ladd
Any Starbucks barista I’ve ever met
Jimmy Carter
The Ghost of Gary Carter
Mookie Wilson
Eli Manning
The guy who picks his nose outside my son’s school
The boogers from his nose
Sly Stallone
Hall
Oates
Craig Mack
Really, anyone.