Categories
Blog

I will be dead

Screen Shot 2017-03-24 at 11.57.53 AM

Last night I went to bed at about 1 o’clock.

I plopped down, put my head on the pillow, then thought, “One day I’ll be dead.”

The sentence would not evacuate my mind.

“One day I’ll be dead.”

“One day I’ll be dead.”

“One day I’ll be dead.”

“One day I’ll be dead.”

It’s a jarring thing. Because it lacks the hypothetical factor of 99.9 percent of our pondering. “Will I swim tomorrow?”—hypothetical. “I hope I did well in math”—hypothetical. “I can’t wait for the new episode of ‘This is Us'”—hypothetical. Most things might happen, might not happen. And, either way, they don’t result in a permanence.

Death, on the other hand, is eternal nothingness. A factual permanence that will overtake us all, whether we like it or not.

When that thought enters my mind, and sticks there, I sit up, lost for breath, a wave of hopelessness overtaking me.

Then I find something hypothetical to consider.

And I fall asleep.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s