It’s been a long time since I’ve used this space to write about health.
Why? Because the health anxiety I once suffered from (in crippling ways) is pretty much gone. I’m no longer consumed by my inevitable death. I no longer think every bump, every scratch, every tingle, every itch is ALS or bone cancer. I’m no longer overwhelmed by me.
And that’s all fantastic. Because health anxiety blows, and I was tired of, eh, blowing.
I am, slowly, losing my mind. For seven or eight months now, I’ve had a legitimate problem with my right ear. It’s weird, and I don’t quite know how/when it began. Maybe a flight. Maybe a swim. But the ear is … hmm. How to describe? It feels, often, clogged. Pressure-packed. But in a strange way. When I sit up straight, not so bad. When I lean in certain directions it gets worse. I can still hear clearly, but there’s a simultaneously muffling of sound. It’s not like a crumpling of paper, or a crashing wave. It’s more like … cotton kinda stuffed in your eardrum. Or, to be more precise, someone taking the cotton stuffed in your eardrum and pushing it around.
It’s always there when I wake in the morning and my head is low, against a pillow. Sometimes it’s accompanied by a sense of pressure against my head. Other times it’s not.
I’ve been to three doctors. Tests have been done. A CAT scan—nothing. An incision to release pressure—nothing. I’ve used different sprays; I’ve taken allergy pills—nothing. I’m thinking of trying to a chiropractor, because … eh … I’m desperate.
I know this isn’t an interesting post, but I’m genuinely frustrated and lost.