“Hey, I wrote Walter Payton’s biography …”

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Entered Starbucks here in Orange, Cal. Ordered a drink. Walked over to a table. Saw the guy pictured above.

“Great jersey,” I said. “You a big Payton fan?”

“Huge,” he said. “I’ve loved the Bears for years, and Walter’s my favorite athlete ever.”

And this is where it got interesting. Where it always gets interesting. In my mind, I tell him I wrote a book about Payton. He asks the title. I say, “Sweetness.” He says, “Holy shit—you wrote Sweetness?” I say, “I did.” He raves how it’s the greatest book ever and he’s read it four times and what was it like meeting Walter and did you interview Ditka, and, God, he was such an asshole to you and do you think Mike Singletary was better than Lawrence Taylor and do you have any other books coming out and … wow wow wow wow wow!

Instead, I say nothing. Because it just seems like an arrogant asshole thing to approach someone and tell him you wrote a book.

Now he’s gone.

2 thoughts on ““Hey, I wrote Walter Payton’s biography …””

  1. Have you ever been on an airplane and spotted someone reading one of your books? What would be your rule of thumb for that encounter.

  2. Several years ago I wrote an article for Maxim. When I bought the issue, I noticed they teased my story on the cover. I couldn’t resist pointing to it and saying to the cashier, “I wrote that!” He seemed unimpressed.

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