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A post-loss essay from Ben Askren

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In the aftermath of his five-second loss to Jorge Masvidal in tonight’s UFC event, Ben Askren dictated this essay to jeffpearlman.com …

Do you see the butterflies? Do you see them? They are floating inside my milk. Milk! Milk!

I like cookies, but my sister dates Cuba Gooding, Jr. Hee hee. That’s funny. Funny bunny. I think when dogs lick the table they are wondering who’s licking the table. But it’s the dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog. The dog.

My name is Sol. Would you like to buy my shoe? Yummy shoes. Yummy.

I sell shoes. They’re for mittens in the mitten factory. Canned peas taste good. I think. Maybe. Wait. Where am I? I am a broom.

Broom!

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