So I noticed the pellets a few days ago while taking out the garbage by the side of our house.

Mouse poops, but larger. Thicker. My immediate thought: “Weird, those must be big mice.”

Then, it hit me.


Fucking rats.

I put out these enormous traps last night, and this morning two were filled with the lifeless remains of my least-favorite (save for snakes) animals. It’s actually a jarring thing—picking up a dead rat caught in a trap. His eyes are open, so he’s looking at you. Or, at least, it seems as if he’s looking at you. I actually go with the plastic bag-over-hand technique, wrap up the guy, tie it up and toss.

The problems, of course, are myriad.

• One rat leads to two, two to 100.

• Rats shit everywhere.

• Rats like crawling beneath hoods and eating the wires of cars.

• Rats are gross.

This morning, for the first time in my life, I found myself sponging rat head blood off my sidewalk.

This isn’t the way I needed to launch a Thursday.

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