Cried this morning watching the inauguration. So? I cried because I’m happy. I cried because I think Joe Biden is a person of genuine integrity. I cried because of Kamala Harris and all she represents. Mainly, I believe I cried out of exhaustion. Four years of Donald Trump was just

Dear Readers: It’s me—Jared Porter’s penis. I’m down here. Down here! Standing next to the toothpick. Yes, that’s me. The l’il guy. So listen, I’ve been catching a ton of shit these past 24 hours, what with Jared being fired by the New York Mets because he sent photos of

Today marks my 19th wedding anniversary to the lovely, savvy, sophisticated, beautiful Catherine Pearlman—the best person I know and the only human alive who would tolerate my uncut toenails for nearly two decades. When you’ve been married this long, people start asking about the keys. What are the keys to

This morning the wife and I drove down to Dana Point to rent a kayak. It’s, truly, the coolest deal ever: $30 for an hour of paddling through the marina and (if you choose) into the wide-open Pacific. There are sea lions aplenty, all sorts of birds, a warm breeze,

During the Democratic race to figure out who would take on Donald Trump in the 2020 election, I was all over the map. I started as a Joe Biden guy—because I love Joe Biden and I’ve always found him to be incredibly decent and honorable. When he started sucking in

I don’t think Lauren Boebert lasts as a congresswoman. It’s not that she’ll quit and it’s not that she didn’t fairly win an election. She certainly did. No, she won’t last because she’s sinister. I don’t say that lightly. There are political figures I like and political figures I dislike.

In case you missed this story—and you almost certainly have missed this story—there’s some major political turmoil within (gasp) the Backstreet Boys. Stay calm. As first reported by Buzzfeed’s Matt Stopera, it appears Brian Littrell (aka: the forgettable one) is not merely all in on MAGA, but all in on

Tommy Tuberville is a freshman senator from Alabama. He is a stupid man. Tuberville’s claim to fame is being a former football coach and, in Alabama, Auburn’s former football coach. He was out of work and seemingly bored, and the Republican Party recruited him to run against Doug Jones, the

I was thinking about something. Really, I was thinking about irony. Missed irony. Donald Trump was in Texas the other day to discuss “my” wall and terrorism. He was there to brag about all his efforts to keep the bad people out. The rapists. The criminals. The people who want

So I noticed the pellets a few days ago while taking out the garbage by the side of our house. Mouse poops, but larger. Thicker. My immediate thought: “Weird, those must be big mice.” Then, it hit me. Rats! Fucking rats. I put out these enormous traps last night, and