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Just back from the local Ralph’s. Snapped this photo of the water section.

And here’s my question: What am I missing?

I’m being sincere in not getting this. Is the coronavirus supposed to infiltrate our pipes and turn our running water into evil coronavirus-poisoned running water? Are there tiny microbes dancing within the H20 droplets running from my sink into a cup?

Is the CoronaWater Monster coming?

Or …

Have we all lost our collective minds?

[Pause for deep breath]

The answer, obviously, is we’ve all lost our collective minds. Because there is something within us—deep within us—that wants/needs/aspires to be terrified. I’m not sure what that is. If, perhaps, there’s a scientific explanation. But whether it’s the Cuban Missile Crisis or the Y2K bug or Putin spying on us or Dr. Evil gnawing on our gums, we are created to live in the shadows, nervous about that thing looming around the corner.

The coronavirus, to me, is a strange one. Maybe the strangest to date. We’re all scared. Myself included. But of what? Dying? I mean, we’re all gonna die eventually, and the death rate is (truly) very low. Getting sick? We’ve all been sick. Spreading something to others? Being known as “The Guy” with “The Virus”? Turning up on the 6 o’clock news—a local writer named John Pearlman has been diagnosed with …

What it is, I believe, is this: We’re scared because we’re scared because we know we’re supposed to be scared of this scary thing that’s clearly scary because everyone says how scared they are.

We’re scared of the lack of control.

Of the unknown.