Last weekend I spoke about my Clemens book at the Mahopac Public Library. Because Mahopac is the town where I was raised, and because people knew I fear an empty room, a crowd of about 50 showed up. It was sort of a fix, since 2/3 of the attendees were either my friends, my former classmates or members of the Somers Rotary, bribed to attend by my father.
Yet my mother Joan Pearlman, a wonderful woman in nearly all areas, is easily confused. For the 543th-straight book-related event, my mom was convinced I am famous—and felt compelled to tell people. “He’s famous,” she said to a woman asking for a signed book—a woman I had never before met.
“Mom—pleeeease,” I said—as I always friggin’ say when this s^%t happens.
“What?” she replied—as she always replies.
And so it goes. In my mom’s world, I’m famous. And in my world, I’m humiliated every time she needs to tell someone that she has a famous son (who, for the record, knows he is far from being famous, or even close to famous). Hence, I have decided to create this post for my mother. It is a list of 500 people—off the top of my head–who are more famous. I could easily make the list 5,000 people, or probably even 500,000 people. But 500 gets the point across.
Mom, start counting …
Barack Obama•Michelle Obama•George W. Bush•George H. W. Bush•Dana Carvey•Ken Griffey, Jr.•Ken Griffey, Sr.• Alfredo Griffin•Beck•Dale Berra• Yogi Berra•Joe Posnanski•Steve Rushin•Michael Wilbon•Michael Lewis•Ron Jaworski•Tom Cruise•Denzel Washington•Christina Aguilera•Pink•Britney Spears•Tommy Shaw•Hall•and Oates•Jay-Z•David Duke•Vin Scully•Hillary Clinton•Bill Clinton•Chelsea Clinton•Dan Zanes•Danzig•Steve Martin•Chris Rock•Eddie Murphy•Leo DiCaprio•Cornell West•Kate Winslet•Bill Maher•Ron Gant•David Justice•Ted Danson•Wade Boggs•Larry Craig•Olivia Newton-John•John Travolta•Spike Lee•Newt Gingrich•Al Gore•Tipper Gore•Hillary Swank•Wayne Gretzky•Mark Messier•Patrick Ewing•John Starks•Chris Mullin•David Robinson•Larry Bird•LeBron James•Magic Johnson•Maureen Dowd•Rush Limbaugh•Bill Maher• Ann Coulter•Stan Belinda•Herbie Hancock•Roy Oswalt•Roger Clemens•Barry Bonds•Bobby Ojeda•Troy Aikman•Emmitt Smith•Michael Irvin•John Mellencamp•Michael Jackson•Ben Stiller•Delino DeShields•Joe Torre•Manny Ramirez•Katie Holmes•Tommy Lasorda•Sandy Koufax•Christopher Plummer•Stevie Wonder•Kelvin Bryant•Chuck Fusina•John•Kate•Their Eight Kids•Hulk Hogan•Lance Armstrong•Mike Piazza•Ed Hearn•Willie Randolph•Eve•Queen Latifah•Q-Tip•Ice Cube•Jalen Rose•Tim Legler•Chris Berman•John McCain•Sarah Palin•Bristol Palin•Todd Palin•Kelly Rowland•Rick Fox•Vanessa Williams•Tom Clancy•Jon Wertheim•Jack McCallum•Charles Barkley•The Naked Cowboy•Vanilla Ice•Hammer•Flavor Flav•Chuck D•Tina Turner•Robert Redford•Morgan Freeman•Derek Jeter•David Wright•Ryan Howard•Michael Steele•Sonia Sotomayor•John Roberts•Clarence Thomas•Samuel Alito•Robert Bork•John Franco•Franco Harris•Jim Brown•Madonna•Heavy D•Ross Perot•Jeff Kemp•Vince Ferragamo•Sparky Lyle•Dennis DeYoung•Paul Stanley•Gene Simmons•Peter Criss•Joan Jett•David Berkowitz•Ace Frehley•Jimmy Carter•Nancy Reagan•Betty Ford•Dick Cheney•Joe Biden•Roger Craig•Ronnie Lott•Al Toon•Wasley Walker•Wayne Chrebet•Rob Dibble•Roy Halladay•Tom Verducci•Joe Maddon•T.I.•Russell Simmons•DMC•Rev Run•Robert Downey, Jr.•Heather Graham•Oprah•Tyra Banks•Joan Baez•Jay Buhner•Bruce Willis•Conan O’Brien•Jay Leno•David Letterman•Michael Phelps•Ken Phelps•Chris Matthews•Keith Olberman•Wayne LaPierre•Michael Moore•Ned Yost•John Rocker•Meatloaf•Martin Sheen•Charlie Sheen•Emilio Estevez•Walt Frazier•Bill Bradley•Bob Barker•Adam Sandler•Dave Anderson•Hank Aaron•Pete Rose•Bud Selig•Joe Montana•Sugar Ray Leonard•Tommy Hearns•Roy Jones, Jr.•Antonio Tarver•Sidney Crosby•Cindy Lauper•Bo Bice•Adam Lambert•Ryan Seacrest•Randy Jackson•Paula Abdul•Carson Daly•Carson Palmer•Tubby Raymond•Marv Levy•Ken O’Brien•Dan Marino•Jim Kelly•Tony Eason•Todd Blackledge•Josh Elliott•Seth Davis•Hubert Davis•Edward Koch•Mario Cuomo•P. Diddy•Kanye West•Eminem•50 Cent•Dr. Dre•Pras•Lauryn Hill•Wyclef• Zach Efron•Buck Williams•Al Franken•Norm Coleman•Walter Mondale•Pete Davis•Gary Coleman•Wes Chandler•Archie Griffin•Gayle Sayers•Robin Williams•Billy Crystal•George Steinbrenner•Paula Poundstone•Hank Williams, Jr.•Melba Moore•John Stockton•Dick Stockton•Cher•Karl Malone•Moses Malone•Jeff Malone•Hubie Brown•Halle Berry•Angelina Jolie•Elijah Cummings•Brian McNamee•Joe Lieberman•Bob Dole•Elizabeth Dole•Donnie Osmond•Marie Osmond•Jimmy Fallon•Tim Robbins•Joe Buck•Artie Lange•Howard Stern•Rebecca Lobo•Bev Oden•Chamiqua Holdsclaw•Lisa Leslie•Shaq•Dwight Howard•Kobe Bryant•Dan Rather
That’s probably not 500, but you get the idea, Mom. The list goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on …
Just be happy I drew 50. 🙂
