The Saints won! The Saints won! A victory for the city of New Orleans! A victory for Drew Brees and Jonathan Vilma! A victory for … for … us! The media! Who dat, bitch? Who dat?
Although Super Bowls are traditionally a time for the wonderful world of mindless sports coverage, this year will be better than everâ€”thanks to the wonderful (if not a wee-bit erratic) New Orleans Saints. Why? Because, having worked in media for more than 15-plus years, I can tell you exactly what sports editors and writers all around the country are already thinking. And what they’re thinking is …
A. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”the Saints giving New Orleans a gift a mere 4 1/2 years after Hurricane Katrina. Trust me. In the ensuing two weeks, reporters from all over the country (even the world!) will ambush New Orleans, searching for any face (preferably a downtrodden-looking African-American male) to tell the camera/mic/tape recorder how horrible life has been, what with the ruin, the poverty, the lack of federal interest, the ongoing health issues. But now, thanks to the Saints, well, we can dream again. (If it’s on ESPNâ€”and, i can assure you, it will be on ESPN, cue some bullshit triumphant music, with a Tom Rinaldi voice-over wrapping with, “And that (long pause) is why they’re called (another pause) the Saints.”
B. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”the rebirth of Reggie Bush. With the Saints qualifying for the Super Bowl, the media will pounce on Bush, talking about the hype, his struggles since being drafted No. 2 in 2006, but now how he’s emerged from the shadows and is one game away from helping the long-terrible Saints reach the Super Bowl. There’ll be a quote, almost certainly from Drew Brees, defying the naysayers by stating, “Without Reggie Bush, we’re not here.” Of course, had the Saints passed on Bush, they could have snagged, among others, D’Brickashaw Ferguson (Pro Bowler), A.J. Hawk (fantastic), Vernon Davis (Pro Bowler), Haloti Ngata (Pro Bowler), Antonio Cromartie (Pro Bowler), Davin Joseph (Pro Bowler), DeAngelo Williams (Pro Bowler), Nick Mangold (Pro Bowler), Joseph Addai (Pro Bowler) or Demeco Ryans (Pro Bowler). I’ll place the odds at 70/30 that someone will write a piece comparing the careers of Bush and Addai, noting that the Colts probably get the better player. (A brief personal note: Reggie Bush is not a good NFL player. He’s fast, he’s quick, he has flashes of brilliance. But he’s established himself as a dime-a-dozen back).
C. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”the history of the Saints. In the ensuing two weeks, any ex-Saint with a pulse will be dug up and interviewed. Richard Todd and Dave Wilson, Ken Stabler and Derland Moore, Rueben Mayes and Dalton Hilliard, Hokie Gajan and Pat Swilling. The key? We need stories of chaosâ€”canceled flights and funny fumbles and guys picking their noses on the sideline.
D. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”Archie Manning quarterbacked the Saints forever, and now his son quarterbacks the Colts. So who is Archie rooting for? I’ll take a stab at typing the quote before Archie’s even been interviewed: “Well, Bob, I’m torn. Obviously I love the Saints, and Olivia and I have made this city our home for 35 years. But my son is my son. Maybe there’ll be a tie.”
E. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”let’s do a piece on the first New Orleans Saints team, and where those guys are now!
F. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”let’s find some former Saint player who now lives under a bridge, and exploit his plight!
G. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”let’s do a story on the foods of New Orleans, and hang with Emeril for a night!
H. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”the life and death of Sam Mills!
I. Holy cow! This is an irresistible storyâ€”Kim Kardashian and her new diet!
Glub, glub, glub. You get the idea …