JEFF PEARLMAN

JEFF PEARLMAN

Penis

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I have a 7-year-old daughter and a 3 1/2-year-old son.

When my wife became pregnant for the second time, I was sorta rooting for another girl. Didn’t really care, but I loved how snuggly and gentle Casey was. Also, I’d watch boys running around the park where Casey played and think, “Ew. No thanks.” Beginning at age 4ish, little boys are gross. And dirty. And nasty. And inappropriate. There’s nothing funnier than a fart, a booger, an accidental shit in the pants.

My son Emmett is started to display this side, and well, I’m not so enthused. He’s really into his penis right now—singing songs about it; laughing about it; rhyming to it. He thinks it’s hilarious, and as a parent there’s no much to say. You tell him to stop, it draws attention and makes him do more. You ignore, he thinks it’s appropriate.

Can’t win.

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