Roger Clemens Tweeted about me (and it wasn’t so nice)


So here’s a truly weird moment in my career.

Earlier today one of Roger Clemens’ relatives, someone named Kirbie Johnson, wrote a scathing essay about me on her blog, Kirbie Goes to Holloywood. My reaction—ho-hum. Just like I write scathing blog posts about others, the artist known as Kirbie Johnson is certainly allowed to write a scathing blog post about me. Is she right in her accusations? No. But who cares—she’s standing up for family. I can understand that.

Then, however, I go to Roger Clemens’ Twitter page, which is always fascinating, in the way a truck accident involving 12 pigs and a Miss Alabama runner-up contestant in also fascinating. He blogs this:


You go Kirb! He’s a low life wanna-b. By his looks he could star on the Adams Family. Btw…

Where to begin? The Addams Family (it has two Ds). As a kid I loved that show. I’m certainly familiar with the characters. So who do I look like? Uncle Fenster? Pugsley? Lurch? Ah, Lurch! I’m guessing that’s who Clemens was referring to, though I’m not 100 percent sure.

Every so often, in this business, one receives physical insults as such. But they’re usually from overexcited, under-developed (emotionally, not physically) rabid sports fans sticking up for “my guy.” Rarely do they directly derive from the jocks themselves—especially jocks in Clemens’ position.

And by Clemens’ position, I don’t mean a multiple-Cy Young champ and 300-game winner. I mean a guy who’s so royally fucked and disgraced. Were I Roger Clemens in 2010, and the world knew that I took HGH and steroids, threw my wife and best friend under the bus, lied before Congress and allegedly fooled around with an underage alcoholic country music singer, I’d be hiding under a rock right now. Or in the process of relocating to Peru. Or changing my name to Butch St. Butch.

So if Clemens wants to score points with his cousin by comparing me to Lurch (or is it Gomez Addams), go crazy.

Because, come day’s end, I’m honest with myself.

Are you?

PS: Final thought—Clemens’ insult actually reminds me of third grade, when my brother used to make fun of my beauty mark by calling me “Mark.” That’s probably the last time anyone I’ve known—enemy or friend—went with the physical insult. It’s just so lame. Hit me, for God’s sake. Or throw an intellectual curve. Something, anything. But … Addams Family? That’s the best you’ve got? Like you’re some Brad Pitt …

15 thoughts on “Roger Clemens Tweeted about me (and it wasn’t so nice)”

  1. Geez, Jeff. You obviously scored some hits on Uncle Rog (As he apparently insists on being called) for them to care enough about it to feel the need to publicly react to it.

  2. Let’s be honest, Jeff. The man is probably pissed because you wrote a book about him, the title of which indicates his failure.

  3. I almost commented on that blog, but decided better of it. The comment would’ve gone like this: “You’re just lucky that Pearlman wrote that book on ol’ Uncle Rog, and not a Red Sox fan. May that slimeball traitor hick adultering roided up asshole ‘Uncle Rog’ burn in hell.”

    God, I hope that fucker goes to the Big House. I’ll laugh my ass off.

  4. Personally, I would have gone with Uncle Fester after slimfast…

    Seriously – You researched the hell out of that book – he knows it, you know it, even Bob Dole knows it.

  5. The thing she doesn’t seem to see is, he committed adultery with an underage girl.
    Kind of destroys her, “If anything, he sees himself as a father. He has done everything in his power to give his family a life that he never had, and, if anything, he’s a wonderful, caring and responsible Dad”, viewpoint.
    Even if he is innocent of PED usage, which I doubt, this fact makes him uncaring, and irresponsible.

    I think someone is in denial.

  6. I used to idolize Roger Clemens. Loved him. Wanted to be him. Cheered for him.

    Now, I hate him. He represents almost everything that’s wrong in this world.

    It’s sad, really sad.

  7. He’s not a great dude, but he doesn’t represent everything that’s wrong with the world. We were all complicit in the steroid thing. As for his lying to Congress, that was pretty darn stupid but why is Congress worried about this when there are so many more important things to worry about? You know, like the community center that’s being built out of sight from Ground Zero.

  8. Jeff,

    A couple of observations:

    1: Clemens’ relative’s blogpost just proves how effective your writing is. They were provoked weren’t they?

    2: When you bring truth to the light, it hurts and offends people. So when you exposed Clemens for who he really was, it got to him. I think it was Winston Churchill who said “The truth is so powerful that it is often protected by a bodyguard of lies”. This quote represents Clemens life.

    What a shame that Clemens chose the low road and was a cheater in more ways than one. It has destroyed his reputation, no doubt destroyed his family, and has destroyed his life in general. Hopefully his downfall is a good example to other Major Leaguers who don’t want to take the road of integrity.

  9. I’m just surprised the guy hasn’t sued you yet. Wouldn’t blame him, given that book. Not to say it was a bad book. But man, talk about taking a guy and beating him to death. Metaphorically speaking, anyway. I know it was with truth, but still…it was pretty brutal.

    That said, what they say, obviously, doesn’t matter. You do your job, and you do it well.

  10. I wonder how long it will be before Clemens gives his post-baseball-playing career press conference/confessional: “Yes, I used PED’s…” like Pete Rose did when he finally admitted to betting on baseball. 5 years? 10 years? Maybe he too “misremembers” using them.

  11. I think his latest post refers directly to you, too, Lurch.

    Anyway, he’s right. There’s no need to get into a pissing contest. You’re a decent human being, and he’s a wretch looking for someone to blame his wretched circumstances on.

  12. “sucking the tit of the gossip train”

    Where in the world is this tittie train and how do I get on it?

    “Oh, and by the way Jeff — this is to mock you.”

    You don’t say.

Leave a Reply