The world is ending

Well, the Rapture is supposed to come tomorrow at 6 pm. And, in the spirit of Almost Famous, there are some last-second things I need to get off my chest …

• Those John Rocker quotes? Forget context—they were all made up.

• That time I went away last summer on “vacation”? Four words: Heroin. Is. A. Beast.

• My father was a streetcorner pimp from Detroit named Lux; my mother one of his ladies. She just went by the number 13.

• I don’t shave my head for looks; I’m the first Jewish neo-Nazi skinhead.

• I cheated on my wife with the plump housekeeper. Eh, sorry.

• Air Supply rocks.

• I really do enjoy long walks on the beach, holding hands and gazing longingly at the sun.

• I’m not gay, per say, but I’ve tried a few things.

• My dog started to annoy me, so I locked her in the basement—six weeks ago. She hasn’t barked in some time.

• I was the seventh member of the 12th incarnation of Menudo. That’s me—second from the left.

• I’m all about Rick Santorum. You’re the man, Rick! You’re the man!

• I’m sorry about that thing with the guavas and the hammer.

• I’ve never written a book.

5 thoughts on “The world is ending”

  1. I knew there was something about you that was dark and now that the rapture is not happening, I look forward to more revelations like you are really a devout, rightwing catholic priest.

  2. Anyone who writes about mistreating a dog – even in jest – is someone I’m glad I don’t know.

    You might think it’s funny but that’s some sick sense of humor you possess. Given your age, I really don’t get it.

  3. So Mr. Pearlman, you had lots to say about how I treated my dogs and then you go and put out something like this in your blog…”My dog started to annoy me, so I locked her in the basement—six weeks ago. She hasn’t barked in some time.”

    Shame on you. Maybe some time behind bars will make you realize that it’s not so funny.

  4. Is that Eastern Daylight Time? Pacific Standard Time? Greenwich Mean Time? Please respond as soon as possible as I have plans tomorrow.

  5. Ted
    Local time beginning with the far eastern end of time line then following the rotation of the earth.
    Actually Camping isn’t sure of that point so it could be 6PM Alaska time.
    The first idea is the one that seems to be quoted the most.
    Don’t know about May 21, but we are at the end of time the Fig tree came into leaf May 21, 1948. Seems it should be within the life time of someone that was old enough at the time to know what to look for.

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