Monster Truck: Oy

Went to my first Monster Truck event today. Live and raw from Nassau Colisseum. Live! And! Raw!

In a word: Ugh.

Where to begin? My sister-in-law, the lovely Leah Guggenheimer, purchased the tickets for $15 a pop. Which was, really, our motivation—hey, if it sucks, we only paid $15. And, Lord knows, it sucked. Monster Truck, which is really called Monster Jam, involves big-ass trucks with big-ass tires driving atop brightly painted junk cars. But, just in case this isn;t enough action, all the driving is accompanied by a REALLY irksome man screaming inanities into a microphone. For example, as irksome man encouraged us to “make some noise for the Grave Digger!” it occurred to me that:

A. The Grave Digger is a truck, and therefore can’t hear us.

B. The guy driving the Grave Digger can’t possibly hear us, either. Because, well, he’s driving the Grave Digger. And that’s an awfully loud job.

To watch Monster Truck is to watch, well, trucks drive over and over and over again. The first five minutes are sorta eye-catching, because it’s not every day one sees a truck dressed as a turtle. But then it gets old. Like, Grandma Mollie old. My eyes began watering after 10 minutes, and by 15 minutes I walked to the bathroom, even though I felt no real need to excrete. It also happened to be icy cold inside the building, because all the doors are kept open, and it was probably 30 degrees. Why keep the doors open? So we don’t have a mass asphyxiation of 5,000 people.

I digress. Monster Truck sucks, and I mean sucks with a capital S. Best I could tell, there’s a loyal following of fans who travel along from show to show, itching to see more Monster Truck madness.

I’m guessing these people have teeth.

Well, some of them.

5 thoughts on “Monster Truck: Oy”

  1. Did Bigfoot run? That guy usually stomps ‘Digger.

    Yeah, it sucks. Seems like boys enjoy it from 6-10 or so…..then, thankfully, they move on.

  2. I also attended my first Monster Truck even this past weekend. My 5 year old son requested to go there for his birthday. He was looking forward to it…the wife and I, not so much. We had “Party Pit Passes,” which meant we got to go on the ground floor, walk around in the mud pit and take pictures with the trucks. This was one of about 9 Monster Jam events going on this weekend, each featuring Grrraaaaave Digggerrrr. Ours was held in the Superdome. Luckily, we had talked to enough people to know to bring ear plugs. However, I didn’t know the preferred dress code was camo. The Superdome, not by any means small, was nearly packed. My wife and I were stunned. It was crazy. Upon attempting to leave, we moved 8 parking places in roughly an hour in the parking garage. We finally got home at around 1:30am after picking up my daughter, who refused to attend Monnnnnsterrrr Jammmmmm. My son enjoyed it immensely. It was worth it to see the excitement on his face.

  3. “I’m guessing these people have teeth.

    Well, some of them.”

    It’s okay to make fun of people, as long as it doesn’t have to do with race, religion, sexual preference, etc…

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