There is a woman in this world named Fifi Knott.
I know … I know—not possible. Not even remotely possible.
Well, yes. Possible. Fifi Knott exists.
As you can see on the above invitation, Fifi Knott is the woman to contact if you’d like to attend dinner with Mitt Romney at the home of Julia and David Koch in Southampton, N.Y. I, of course, would love to attend dinner with Mitt Romney at the home of Julia and David Koch, because:
A. Mitt Romney may well be our next president.
C. I’m dying to meet Fifi.
Alas, I digress. The above invitation was posted on Facebook by the excellent Charles Pierce. I copied it, pasted it on my Facebook page, then decided, hey, why not RSVP myself. Granted, the suggested contribution is $50,000 per person or $75,000 per couple. But the important word here is “suggested.” If I “suggest” you brush your teeth, I’m certainly not ordering you to do so. If I “suggest” Halle Berry kiss me, well, she’s under no official order to do so. In other words, $50,000 is merely a fictional total. I could donate $50. Or $5. Or, hell, $0. It’s suggested, not commanded.
Anyhow, I RSVPed. Literally sent Fifi this e-mail to FKnott@MittRomney.com:
I am definitely interested in attending the July 8 dinner with Governor Romney. Can you please add me to the RSVP list?
Fifi immediately responded with this:
May I ask who sent you the invitation (so I can credit the support correctly)?
Romney For President, Inc.
P: (212) 801-1064
This was terrific, because my initial concerns were erased with one simple thing—the exclamation point! Clearly, Fifi is excited that I, Jeff Pearlman, am planning on attending. So, of course, I responded again …
Of course. I was sent the invitation from our mutual friend Charles.
Catherine and I are very excited to attend. It should be a wonderful night.
I am often an angry man. However, right now I am happy. Fifi has, once again, responded. Her words are simple—six in all—but clearly impactful. Some might suggest she is simply trying to ex-communicate Charles, but I’m not that cynical. She surely wants to congratulate him.
What is Charles’ last name?
I wrote one last e-mail to Fifi—namely, this one:
Uh, Fifi, I’m sort of taken aback by this. How many Charles do we both know? I assume you’re kidding …