Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

The Funkadelic Tie

At some point in the early-to-mid 1970s, my mom, Joan Pearlman, didn’t know what to do with the extra fabric sitting around the house. She had used 95 percent of it to make curtains, but was now staring at irksome scraps.

Hence, she made a tie for her husband, Stan, and even stitched in a label that read MADE BY JOAN PEARLMAN.

Dad doesn’t remember if he actually wore the thing. My guess is he didn’t because, well, it’s hideously fugly—a million different neon colors, merging together to form some alien brew of explosive bug gut vomit. I mean, I can’t really imagine him—even in, oh, 1977—showing up at Xerox with a tie constructed from curtains.

That said …

Forty years have passed, and I love that tie. I stole it from my dad’s closet years ago, just as a gag. I’ve threatened to wear it, only to have the wife scream, “Dear God, no!” My kids both think it’s funny, and sometimes toss it around the house.

Today, however, I wore it. On Jim Rome’s show. Before tens of thousands of viewers.

Why? Not sure. Probably because I love my mom, and even though she agrees the tie is butt, I want her to know how much I appreciate and love and admire her. She’s a great woman; someone who has taught me as much as anyone; someone who attended every sporting event, every parent-teacher conference, every unlistenable school concert. She’s as good as it gets; as grand as they come.

Plus, I make it work.  🙂