Zanab Achim Wants a Piece of the Pearl

Not trying to brag here, but earlier today the woman pictured above sent me this message, via Facebook …

Hello my dear,
My Name is Zanab, I am a beautiful young girl, I saw your profile in this site ( and became interested in you.
Please send me a mail with my email address so that I can give you my nice pictures and also tell you more about myself.
Here is my email address (zanabbuasy@ I will be waiting for your reply.
Yours Zanab

Admittedly, some might read such a note and immediately think, “Scam.” Those individuals, however, are glass-half-empty types. I looked over Zanab’s lovely note and figured the obvious: I’m irresistible.

Hell, just look at me, sitting here in the Swirl Coffee and Tea Room, decked out in $8 Marshall’s basketball shorts, a faded Target T-shirt and a wrinkled Seattle Mariners cap. Just look at me, poison ivy covering my fingers, a half-burnt wart on my right wrist. Maybe Zanab is drawn to my shaved head. I did it myself, without using a mirror. There are a couple of hair chunks emerging from the back of my scalp. But, hey, it’s sexy.

Truth be told, I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone like Zanab Achim to come along and acknowledge my radiance.

It’s about time.