I don’t have an overwhelmingly large number of pet peeves, but one that gets me—really gets me—is when people wear sunglasses indoors.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I mean, OK—you’ve got some sort of ocular malady that requires your eyes to be shielded at all times. Not a problem. But, otherwise, what the fuck? Like, what are you thinking?
Take, for example, New Edition, the boy band-turned-man band that has spent much of the year touring the stadium circuit. I’ve seen a bunch of interviews with the members, and (with the exception of Bobby Brown, interestingly), they’re always wearing sunglasses indoors. It’s an image thing, only I don’t think guys like Johnny Gill and Ralph Tresvant actually understand what, in 2014, it portrays.
So here’s my message of world peace: Wearing sunglasses indoors is a classic douchebag move. You’re making an overt effort to show how cool you are, but the method is an antiquated, borderline-pathetic one. Yeah, maybe in 1987 musicians and actors went through life with their shades permanently glued to their eyes. And, sure, the Italian Stallion wore sunglasses to Mickey’s funeral in Rocky III.
But the Stallion had good reasons: A. He’d just been battered by Clubber Lang; B. He was sad, and wanted to hide the tears of a champion; C. Jewish ritual confused him; D. The glasses, regularly $10.99, were on sale for $6 at Ross Dress For Less. How do you pass a deal like that up?
But the members of New Edition aren’t Sly Stallone. They’re members of a faded-yet-beloved 1980s R&B group with enough hits and staying power to make a living more than 30 years after entering the game. They can wear Dan Pstorini Houston Oilers jerseys if they’d like. They can wear diapers. Nirvana T-shirts. Fur collars. Whatever. It matters not.
Just stop with the indoor glasses.
Because this guy is the only one who thinks it works …