Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Red Peas and Beets


True story: Last night I was working at about 11 o’clock. Got up from my desk to take a piss. Walked into the bathroom, lifted the lid, peed …

And the liquid was red.

Well, really, it was pink. Pink piss. Which was really disconcerting. Hell, just Google “red urine” or “blood in urine” and you’ll find 100 solid reasons to freak out. I sure did.

Anyhow, the wife was apparently asleep. I tiptoed into our bedroom. Lights off.

“You awake?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said.

“I think I have a problem,” I said. “I have blood in my pee.”

“No you don’t,” she said.

“I do,” I said. “I just went to the bathroom and …”

“My pee was red, too,” she said. “We had beets for dinner.”

Indeed, beets do turn urine red.

I went to bed, content.