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Why did Clubber Lang have 100 guys in powder blue outfits in the ring?

Screen Shot 2015-09-22 at 4.50.10 PMLately I’ve been on a bit of a Rocky kick. This happens from time to time. The subjects range, but I got addicted and hooked and all consumed. In the past, I’ve gone on KISS kicks, Hall and Oates kicks, A Walk to Remember kicks, The Cable Guy kicks, Donny Osmond kicks, Run DMC kicks, Pearl Washington kicks. I’m not OCD—I just start thinking about something and struggle to let go.

So … Rocky is the obsession of late. And when I’m in one of these ways, little things tend to jump out at me. For example, in Rich Girl there’s a split second where Daryl Hall says, “Uh!” In the Walk this Way duet with Aerosmith and Run DMC, the opening guitar lick begins a second too early (you can hear it if you listen really closely). In A Walk to Remember, Mandy Moore’s character has leukemia, but displays absolutely no physical symptoms to speak of. It makes zero sense.

As always, I digress.

A few minutes ago I let my kids break from homework by watching the final fight scene in Rocky III, between Rocky Balboa (the challenger) and Clubber Lang (the eternal champion of all things good in the world). The battle ends with Rocky knocking out Clubber (who really needs some defensive lessons. Seriously, dude. Try blocking one punch. Just one), and everyone rushes the ring to celebrate. There’s Apollo, the former champ-turned-trainer. There’s Paulie, the brother in law and cornerman. There’s Adrian, who magically transports from outside the ring to her husband’s side in .0021 seconds. And, lastly, there are, by my count, seven Clubber Lang minions, inexplicably dressed in powder blue jumpsuits and webbed-back blue-and-white baseball caps that read, simply, Clubber.

I get entourages, especially in boxing. But who among the Rocky III production staff said, “You know, I like the post-fight scene. But we really need more, um, eh … something. I’m not sure what it is. Wait! Wait! You know what’ll do the trick? A bunch of people in powder-blue Clubber outfits. And not just two or three! Let’s get seven! And fill the ring—just overflow it! How’s that sound?”

Well, weird.