Jeb Can Fix It!

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In case you missed the big news, the Kansas City Royals won the Wor—no, not that.

In case you missed the big news, Fred Thompson died after a lo—no, not that.

In case you missed the big news, Jeb Bush (aka: Jeb!) has a new slogan!

Seriously, it’s true. Out with the old, in with the new. No more simple “Jeb!” Now, it’s “Jeb Can Fix It.” Which, to cut to the chase, is just really awful. There’s something about politicians—and especially those who have been in the field for too long—that just oozes the curse of the tin ear. Or, put different: Last week Jeb! realized this whole campaign thing wasn’t going very well. So he cut back on spending, fired a bunch of people and decided to reboot. Part of that reboot meant a new image. So, in the latest debate, he awkwardly attacked Marco Rubio, and it sorta backfired—as everything has sorta backfired. Then he thought, “Let’s get a new catchy slogan!” So he hired someone, probably on the cheap. I’m taking a stab that the new employee is in his early 30s, has several tattoos and wears jeans and sneakers to work. Probably Sketchers. To guys like Jeb!, that oozes the sort of counterculture cool he’s shooting for. Only counterculture cool doesn’t work like it once did, especially with Twitter turning most anything deliberately counterculture into a joke.

So now Jeb! is stuck with “Jeb Can Fix It” and the 8,000 gags and mocking Tweets that ensued. For example …

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Screen Shot 2015-11-02 at 11.42.51 AMI never agree with Michelle Malkin. Like, never ever ever. But this time, she’s right. If Jeb! paid for someone to come up with “Jeb can fix it,” he does deserve the scorn that’s rightly arrived.

Because it’s brutal.