Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Dear Lance Berkman …

Dear Lance Berkman:

Not sure if you’d remember me, but back in 2001 I wrote this profile of you for Sports Illustrated. We hung out, had a good time. I thought you were a genuinely cool, intelligent guy.

Now, however, I’d like you to go fuck yourself.

I mean no offense, just as you mean no offense in your bigoted, ignorant appearance in the above advertisement. But—sorta curious—do you know anything about transgender folks? I mean, have you read a book? A pamphlet? Watched a news segment? Anything? Because despite the fear mongering of you and your narrow-minded ilk, these are not people sneaking into bathrooms to watch little boys and girls take shits. Hell, Lance, you’ve been to public bathrooms. Do you find the act of taking a shit to be sexy and alluring? I mean, seriously.

By the way, have you actually read Houston’s Prop 1 (aka: Equal Rights Ordinance)? It’s a civil rights measure that prevents discrimination on the basis of race, age, military status, disability and 11 other categories. In other words, it’s the sort of document I’m quite certain Jesus would dig. Oh, it also remains illegal to enter a bathroom and harass people.

Seriously, Lance, I’m tired of people like you. Self-righteous, self-appointed guardians of the planet who damn folks like gays and transgenders while simultaneously protecting the NRA and driving tank-sized fossil fuel-burning vehicles. You pick your battles, and they’re the battles of the moronic and mentally small; of the ignorant sheep-costumed wolves.

One day, years from now, your daughter will watch this ad and be ashamed.

Especially if she’s transgender.

— Jeff

PS: Just so you know, women’s bathrooms have stalls.