The worst sound in the world


Not a photo I took, to be clear.

There is no worse sound on the planet than an unfamiliar person on the toilet in the men’s bathroom.

I just had this happen a few moments ago, here at the Corner Bakery in Irvine. The steps:

• 1. I enter, merely to wash my hands before eating.

• 2. Someone is on the toilet.

• 3. It smells not so good.

• 4. I hear this: “Errrghhh …. arrrggghhh …. errrrrghhh …. arrrrrghhhhh.”

• 5. I leave as quickly as possible.

• 6. I spent the next two months trying to recover.

I know I blog a lot about bathroom etiquette. Perhaps because I spend a good amount of time in shitters. They’re riveting places for social interactions. The awkward glance between arrivals and departures. The anxious waving of a hand beneath a stubbornly inoperable motion sensor sink. That moment when you see the face of the man who stanched up the room. THAT’s actually the money moment: You know you’re breathing in his ass gas, and he knows you’re breathing in his ass gas.

OK, I’m off.

Need to use the bathroom.


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