Herschel Walker, Lawrence Taylor—and no one else

Taylor loves Trump
Taylor loves Trump

If one were to make a list of people who are better served having known Donald Trump, it would go like this:

• Herschel Walker

• Lawrence Taylor

Eh, that’s it.

Actually, I’ll amend that. I was going to say that Walker, the former Heisman Trophy winner at Georgia, was enriched by having played for Trump and the USFL’s New Jersey Generals. But, truth be told, he joined the team (and signed his contract) when J. Walter Duncan was the owner. Trump has bragged about bringing him to the league, but (as with many of his boasts) it’s a fabrication.

Taylor, the legendary New York Giants linebacker, signed a futures deal with Trump and the Generals that netted him an extra $1 million for doing nothing. So that, indeed, was a Trump-influenced win.

Otherwise …

Everyone who latches onto Trump ultimately dies. It happened to the USFL owners who followed him to fall. It happened to the hundreds upon hundreds of unpaid contractors. It happened to the attendees of Trump University. It happened to Spicer. It happened to Reince. It happened to the Mooch. It’s happening to Republican senators and congressmen. There is, truly, no escape. The 45th president is a corrosive space alien whose tentacles will latch to your brain and sap all matter.

It’s inevitable.