The worst thing ever

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There’s nothing left to say about DACA, and Donald Trump’s bullshit.

He’s an awful man who lies with nary a second thought. He’s a wad of dick gum. He’s the worst humanoid walking the planet, and I’m including O.J. Simpson, David Berkowitz, Kim Jong-un, Bill Cosby, two of the three members of Bananarama and my second cousin’s ex-wife.

So let’s focus on the other piece of awfulness.

Starbucks’ fall drinks have returned—in early September!?!?!

I mean, what the flying fuck is this? It’s 90-something degrees here in SoCal, and I’m supposed to shift my focus to pumpkin spice lattes and autumn breezes? I’m supposed to lean maple when I’m still feeling fruit punch? This is preposterous, and unfair, and in the words of my dear mother, Joan Pearlman, I’m going to write a letter of complaint.

Here’s a letter of complaint:

Dear Starbucks:

It’s not fall or even close to fall.

Cut the shit.

Jeff Pearlman

PS: Send free stuff.