JEFF PEARLMAN

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Roy Moore will likely win tonight

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Roy Moore will likely win tonight—because it’s Alabama.

I know I’m not supposed to write such a thing. I’m supposed to talk long and lovingly of the wonderful southern state, what with its charm and hospitality and all the rich charm that one must experience to know. Well, I’ve been to Alabama many times. Back when I was a staffer at The Tennessean I took myriad trips to the state. My second-ever marathon was in Huntsville. I’ve never had much bad to say about Alabama, about its people, about its food and lodging.

But I’ll say this: Alabama deserves Roy Moore. It does. It deserves a bigot, a homophobe, a moron, a toolbag. It deserves a man who thinks the Bible is literally God’s word. It deserves a man who thinks a good guy with a gun is every guy with a gun. It deserves a man who speaks warmly of the days before equal rights; who looks at women as lesser and married a person who brags of their open-mindedness by bragging of their attorney—”a Jew.”

Alabama deserves Roy Moore, because it has a long history of underfunding education; of ignoring science; of placing religion before reason.

It deserves Roy Moore, because Roy Moore is a laughingstock.

And so is his state.

 * Unless Doug Jones wins. Then we’re all good!