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“Dad! Guess what!”

The proof is in the, eh, pudding
The proof is in the, eh, pudding

Casey Pearlman, a member of her high school’s freshman swim team, called her father from an away meet earlier today to announce that she would be coming home.

“Guess what!” Casey said. “Someone pooped in the pool!”

When Jeff Pearlman, her dad, expressed doubt, Casey said a friend had taken a photograph of the excrement. Moments later, the above image arrived on his iPhone 8—depicting what appears to be a pair of anus-produced projectiles bobbing inside the aqua-hued water of a standard California swimming pool.

“Wow,” Jeff Pearlman said. “That’s poop.”

Casey Pearlman, who is participating in swim largely to stay in shape for water polo, was inexplicably excited by the duo dung. She found it simultaneously intriguing and disgusting, not unlike a scab-covered bald cat.

As soon as the projectiles were detected, the event was canceled.

“That seems wise,” said Jeff Pearlman. “Swimming with shit is gross.”