The Redskins sign Mark Sanchez

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Place: Washington Redskins team headquarters.

Time: Sunday evening.

Setting: Bruce Allen, team president, sits behind a desk. Eric Schaffer, senior VP of football operations, stands to the side. As does Doug Williams, the acting senior VP of player personnel. Jay Gruden, the head coach, enters with a distressed look on his face. They have just learned that Alex Smith, starting quarterback, has broken his leg and is gone for the year. They need a replacement. Quickly.

Allen: “Well, we’ve gotta get a quarterback in here ASAP.”

Gruden: “Colt can start next week. He’s fine. But we’re thin behind him. Who’s available?”

Schaffer pulls out a list and begins to read off names. “Well … Nathan Peterman is a free agent.”

The room erupts in laughter.

Williams: “How about Kaepernick?”

Schaffer: “E.J. Manuel is home doing nothing. T.J. Yates—also out there.”

Williams: “How about Kaepernick?”

Allen: “I think we should sign Brandon Weeden.”

Schaffer: “He’s with the Texans.”

Allen: “What?”

Schaffer: “Yeah—he’s their backup.”

The room erupts in laughter.

Williams: “How about Kaepernick?”

Daniel Snyder, the team owner, walks in.

Snyder: “What’s Testaverde up to?”

Allen: “He’s 55 years old, Dan.”

Snyder: “But that arm!”

Williams: “How about Kaepernick?”

Schaffer: “I know Sam Bradford is waiting by the phone.”

Allen: “That’s not a terrible idea.”

Snyder: “Paxton Lynch?” Matt Moore? Josh Johnson”

Williams: “How about Kaepernick?”

Williams: “Seriously, how about Kaepernick?”

Williams: “Seriously, how about Kaepernick?”

Awkward silence.

Snyder: “Doug, can you do me a favor? I think I left that thing on your desk. Can you grab it for me real quick?”

Williams: “What thing?”

Snyder: “You know … the bur,dhsjalslsls … thing.”

Williams: Um … sure.”

Williams leaves the room.

Snyder: “There’s no fucking way we’re signing Colin Kaepernick.”

Allen: “Of course not.”

Schaffer: “Of course not.”

Snyder: “Silly negro.”

Williams returns, holding a pencil.

Williams: “Is this what you wanted?”

Snyder: “Oh, um, eh, yeah. Thanks Doug.”

Snyder stares at a list of names.

Snyder: “Soooo … Mark Sanchez it is!”

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