Confessions of a Jewish space laser operator

My Jewish space laser went off, and all I got were the accusations of Marjorie Taylor Greene

Earlier today it came to light that Marjorie Taylor Greene, Georgia representative and 2024 GOP presidential frontrunner, blamed the California wildfires on a Jewish space laser operated by the Rothschilds.

She was scorned and ridiculed by the evil mainstream media, and I am here to step up and be truthful.

On the one hand, Representative Greene is incorrect. The Rothschilds did not let loose a Jewish space laser upon the state of California.

On the other hand, she is right about the laser and the Jews.

It was me. I’m sorry.

Total accident.


It all feels like it was just yesterday …

I had recently left the annual meeting of the Elders of Zion, where we drank the blood of Jesus (real, not imaginary), sharpened our head horns and plotted a takeover of Oak Hill Middle School in (not coincidentally) Greene’s hometown of Milledgeville, Georgia. The plan was to turn all of Oak Hill Middle’s students into Satan-worshiping homojewials, then have them return home and eat the innards of their younger siblings (household pets, if they were only children) before kneeling and committing themselves to the singular worship of Yentl Mendel.

En route to the school, however, I found myself suddenly distracted by the book in my pocket, “The Big Plan: How We Jews Can Get All the Money.” Specifically, it was a passage on page 27—the one that (as all Jews know) breaks down how to perform the step-by-step ritual circumcision of every Georgian’s cow.

In reading the book, I failed to notice that my Jewish space laser had been discharged in the direction of California’s forests—thereby commencing the wildfires.

I tried putting them out (I swear, I really did), but then the guy next to me dropped two pennies on the floor, and I forgot what I was doing and scurried to fetch them.