JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

The fraud

So I’ve recently had a bunch of people from my old dwelling of Putnam County, N.Y. urge me to return to the topic of Tatiana Ibrahim, the bonkers Carmel resident leading the charge against Critical Race Theory, and liberals, and books, and Chips re-runs, and any educational element that she finds unworthy of learnaging (her word, not mine).

They say Tatiana is back rearing her ugly head again.

They say Tatiana’s threatening people.

They say she needs to be stopped.

Here’s what I say: Why are people afraid of this fraud?

Ask Tatiana Ibrahim to define Critical Race Theory. I mean that—at the next school board meeting that she decides to fart atop, stop and say, “I have a question—what is Critical Race Theory?” Then—”What is Marxism?” Then—”What is socialism?” Then—”Did you even graduate high school? College? Why do you have a tattoo on your breast? Why are you wearing short-shorts made for a 17-year old? “

I’d continue: “Can you name the seven continents? Can you tell me where Martin Luther King was born? What’s Malcolm X’s birth name? Can you name 10 of the 50 senators? Can you tell me three specifics about Joe Biden’s plans you dislike? Is Texas east or west of Georgia? How many teeth do humans have? Can a grandma be her own grandma? Are people born gay? Do dogs hate cats?”

The thing about frauds like Tatiana (real name: Not Tatiana) is they’re at their best when they’re loud and obnoxious and barking. They’re at their worst when the situation calls for nuance, for details, for facts. So stop yelling at her. Stop screaming at it. Hit her with specifics. Ask for details. When she discusses books being taught in the high schools, ask how many she’s read. Then say, “Wow, what was that one about again?” When she bashes teachers for being CRT sympathizers, ask—kindly, but directly—”Wow, so what did [accused teacher] say when you brought the issue up to him/her?” Um.

We are talking about either A. An empty vessel or B. A mentally ill person (I don’t say that lightly. She seems quite ill). Were I to learn tomorrow Tatiana isn’t a real person, I’d believe it. If you told me she were a Russian asset (which, oddly, she sort of is), I’d believe it, too. The latest all-the-MAGA-rage Halloween costume (Cigarette-smoking, breast-tattooed Karen)—most definitely.

The truth is, she’s not worth the breath she exhales or the exhaustion we endure.

Most people, thankfully, don’t think as she do.

She just happens to be loud.

Not right.

PS: She embarrasses her daughter every … single … day. Humiliates the poor kid. That is not someone I want telling me what should happen in school.

PPS: Tatiana has gone through THREE different Instagram accounts? WTF? This shit isn’t that complicated, Tanya.