Tents Shall be Pitched


This morning I turned on the TV, flipped to VH1 and watched a video by a band named Morningwood.

I listened for a while, sort of enjoyed the sound, then thought about the name. Morningwood. Morning. Wood. Morn-ing-wood.

I’m slow, but it finally hit me—a rock band named after an AM erection!

I have nothing against rock bands, the morning or erections. But I think this is really poor sport. I looked up the lead singer, Chantal Claret. She’s 27, which means she was 18 when her group formed in 2001. This makes sense, because 18-year-old kids generally laugh at woody jokes. The problem, however, is that now we’re here, approaching 2010, and the band continues to be named after a hard-on. It’s very limiting. Would the Beatles have become the Beatles were they named, oh, Two Mountains of Flesh? Could the Stones have thrived as Camel Toe Delight? No, and no. Names mean something—even the names of rock bands.

So while I liked Morningwood’s sound and could certainly see downloading a song or two, it’s very unlikely I’ll accept any future offers to join them.

Besides, I’m too busy working on my next book—Salad Connoisseurs.

6 thoughts on “Tents Shall be Pitched”

  1. Re: Tents: If you pitch it, will he come?

    Don’t feel bad, I never figured out “Pearl Jam” either.

    Not certain that I totally buy into the name thing, though. The Osmonds seem to have persisted beyond all reason despite a name that leaves one far from excited to hear their “music”.

  2. You know what a Steely Dan is, right?

    Or what Alice in Chains is named after.

    Or even what rock n’ roll is another term for.

    For a dude that’s been around the country, and possibly the world, the things that shock you are … interesting(?)

  3. The Simpsons made a similar joke too. I can’t remember which episode it was, but it was one from the late 90s.

    A band using the name Morningwood is neither clever or shocking. It’s supposed to be both, but it’s boring.

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