JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

My Pro Bowl solution

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I watched about 23 seconds of yesterday’s Pro Bowl—more than enough time to see players half-jogging through the motions in an effort to stay health, look moderately active and collect a check. I fully understand—as Robert Edwards will surely attest to, there’s absolutely no benefit in going all out in a football-related event when the positives are minimal and the potential negatives catastrophic.

This year, the NFL moved the game to Miami and played it a week before the Super Bowl. The goals were logical—make it more geographically friendly to fans and the media (in 2010, no newspaper would send its writers to Hawaii for an exhibition game), and play while fans are still thinking grid. Generally speaking, the Hawaii-based Pro Bowl was greeted by one big yawn.

So did this year’s Pro Bowl work? No. The biggest problem, hands down, is the disappearance of players from the Super Bowl teams. To have a Pro Bowl sans Peyton Manning and Drew Brees makes no sense. None. Zero. Zip. It’d be like touting an early-90s exhibition between the two top heavyweight champions, but excluding Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield in the name of Tony Tubbs and John Ruiz.

So what to do? Here’s my solution …

Kill it.

Kill the Pro Bowl.

End it.

Squash it.

Seriously, the game sucks, nobody cares and the time could be spent doing more worthy things, like knitting and holding hands and eating animal crackers by a warm fire. There’s just no justification for this farce of a game.

None.

Mmm—animal crackers.