JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Sunglasses, headphones, cell phones

Photo on 2010-02-11 at 16.00

Generally speaking, I don’t lose things.

Generally speaking, I don’t destroy things.

Generally speaking doesn’t apply to sunglasses, headphones and cell phones.

Moments ago, while changing seats in Starbucks, my cell phone fell from my pocket and shattered across the tile floor. Battery one way, shell the other way. BAM! Loud noise. My cell phone cost $40 at the T-Mobile store and is an absolutely piece of crap. The only reason I have it is because I left my last cell phone, a lesser piece of crap, inside a New York City theatre a few months ago. But that’s nothing compared to sunglasses and headphones. Literally, a lose one or the other on a monthly basis. The worst are sunglasses. I’ve longed debated whether I should plunk down $200 for a pair, in the belief that—just maybe—the high price would cause me to take better care. Because as it stands now, I never spend more than $15, and usually purchase them either at CVS or a middle-of-nowhere gas station. Come to think of it, the pair I’m wearing in the above photo was snagged 1 1/2 years ago for a whopping $20 at a fair on Cape Cod. How do I still have them? Well, I actually misplaced ’em for several months, and only reconnected a few weeks ago while cleaning some cabinets (That said, I probably should lose them. They’re ugly and ferociously scratched up).

As for headphones, forget about it. I but pairs by the dozen, and misplace them even quicker.

Uhg.