JEFF PEARLMAN

JEFF PEARLMAN

Bristol for $15,000

bristol_palin_gives_birth_to_a_son

According to Andrew Sullivan’s excellent blog, Sarah Palin’s daughter is about to become a public speaker. For between $15,000-$30,000, Bristol Palin will be available to address your conference, fundraiser, special event and holiday, as well as women’s, youth, abstinence and ”pro-life” programs. Or, to quote Sullivan, “getting knocked up has never been so lucrative.”

Let’s actually ponder this for a moment. Because we are an oft-stupid nation comprised of many stupid people, someone out there will actually fork over $30,000 to have a 19-year-old single mother speak on the value of abstinence. What makes her a worthy investment? Well, her mom is famous. And, eh, ahem, well, uh … I don’t know.

I do know that, on the list of so-called celebrities who I’d like to hear speak in an intimate setting, Bristol Palin ranks 456,432,346th. Here’s my abbreviated list:

1. Barack Obama

2. Stephen Hawking

3. John Lewis

4. Hank Aaron

5. Desmond Tutu

6. Nelson Mandela

7. Chuck D.

8. Alberto Salazar

9. John Oates

10. Jimmy Carter

456,432,341. Jayson Werth

456,432,342. Andy Cox

456,432,343. Tiffany

456,432, 344. Glenn Beck

456,432,345. My cousin Arthur