Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

Too dumb to serve


Just read that Mark Kirk, Republican candidate for Barack Obama’s old Senate seat in Illinois, has admitted that he mischaracterized his military record. “I am not perfect, and I was careless,” he said. “I will do better to make sure this never happens again.”

Kirk, according to, well, 8,000 different sources, repeatedly exaggerated about his service in the Navy. He boasted about combat experiences that, ahem, never happened, and took credit for awards he never, ever, ever, ever won (Kirk’s bio said he snagged the U.S. Navy’s Intelligence Officer of the Year award for his service during NATO’s conflict with Serbia in the late 1990s. Not true, or even close to being true).

I believe Mark Kirk, and all political candidates, should be disqualified from a race for this sort of transgression.

Not because it’s unethical—though it is.

Not because it’s wrong—though it is.

Kirk should be disqualified because he absolutely, positively must be a complete and total moron. Dude, there’s this thing called the information superhighway. You know, the internet. Google. Yahoo. So on. You can look stuff up. In, like, three seconds. What sort of dolt, especially in 2010, makes up shit that never happened—and thinks he’ll get away with it? If you’re this much of a tool, no way I want you representing me.