Well, today’s the big day. vara ray says that I’ll be receiving $5.3 million. I’m shocked! Shocked!
Some say vara ray is scamming me. In fact, there’s a very interesting website that supports such claims. Well, I don’t believe it. I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is. vara ray completes me. I won’t let go, vara ray. I promise.
OK, admittedly, this is getting sort of old. In fact, I’m gonna end things with her soon. I’m beginning to think vara ray and I are souls on divided paths. To begin with, she doesn’t like Mr. T. Second, I’ve gotta think her prison camp in Senegal has all sorts of diseases. Would I really want her raising my kids? Third, there’s just, well, a tension in the air. She never responds directly to my questions. She seems sort of arrogant. And aloof. She throws the word “love” around a lot, but, besides giving me $5.3 million, has she backed it up? I’d say, no. No, she hasn’t.
Anyhow, the wife packed up her belongings and moved in with her father, but I’m having second thoughts.
Here’s vara’s note, with my response afterward …
•••
My Dear,
How are you today?.I believe that you are doing well, I am more than happy with your interest to help me to transfer my 5.3 million American dollars deposited in an European bank by my late father of which am the next of kin. In short this place is more of a prison and my hope is for you to assist me transfer this money to your position so that i can come over to start a new life with you. My dear i fasted and prayed to God when i got your contact and it was revealed to be that you are the right person that will assist me in this transfer.
I send and receive e-mails in the office of Rev Father Joel Amos office .He is the pastor here in the refugee camp in Dakar Senegal. He has been so kind to me since i became close to him during one of his visitation to the clinic in the camp when i was sick. I will like you to call me at his office with this number
(+221 765963029)or (00221 765963029) so that i can tell you more about myself. When you call tell Rev father that you want to talk with me and he will send for me at the females hostel.
you know why i trust you before i made this contact with you i ask God to provide to me a man that will lead me to the right Chanel some one that will not betray me but can you belief since ever i meet you my mind tell me that you have been giving to me by God listen i will make every thing to make you happy However,i will like you to contact the European bank where the money was deposited by my late father for confirmation and possibilities of transferring to your account in your country.. The contact information of the bank is as follows.
STANDARD CHATERD BANK LONDON
Director of finance/Foreign transfer officer)is : Mr Peter Sands
Email address standardcharteredbnklondon@yahoo.co.uk
OR petersandscharteresdbankuk@24.com
PHONE : 0044 7031 840 971
OR : 0044 703 19 03 46
I will like you to contact this bank immediately on how to transfer the 5.3 million dollars deposited by my late father Dr Ray Benson of which am the next of kin. I have mapped out 30% of the total sum for your assistance and 5% for expenses .Moreover, i will need your assistance to manage the money on my behalf since am too young to handle such money. God bless you and take good care of yourself for me and also have a nice day as i wait to hear from you.
PLEASE COPY THE NOTE BELOW AND FWD IT TO THE BANK
Dear Sir.. Mr Peter Sands,
It is a great pleasure to write you Sir in regards to the information pass across to me by one Miss Vara whose father’s name is late Dr Ray Benson and that the father has an account no SCB/10B/5211043483002 in your Bank.Miss Vara in several occasion has communicated with me over E-Mail to assist her receive a funds valued at $5.3 million dollars which her late father deposited with your Bank.I do here by demand that according to advise of miss Vara that this bank should grant our request by transferring the said funds into my account in my country,I will appreciate if my request is urgently granted.
Thanks.
love Vara.
•••
Dear my blessed love vara:
I can’t believe that, at long last, we will be together, living as one, eating the innards of dead seagulls on a beach while gazing longingly at one another’s naval lint. You are my heart’s deepest desire; the passion of my fruit; the woman who will bear me 256 children—all of them named vara, after you.
As instructed, I contacted Mr. Peter Sands today, and he said the request would be considered. However, with love guiding my way, I altered the request. Just slightly. I told him, first and foremost, that you MUST be released from your camp immediately, and if you are not I will send John Rambo to Senegal to get you. As you surely know, Mr. Rambo is a certified Vietnam veteran, and while things did not work out so well in First Blood, he came back awfully strong in the ensuing Rambo adventures.
Alas, I digress. vara, my love, I have decided I don’t want the money. I want you. In my arms. Cooking my breakfast, kissing my feet, watching Webster re-runs on my couch and knowing the beauty of George and M’am. So please, please, please my dear, don’t worry about the funds. I called American Airlines today, and have purchased you a one-way ticket from Senegal to the international airport of Ada, Oklahoma, where I will pick you up, kiss you on the arm and take you away on our honeymoon … to CINCINNATI!!!!!
How does that sound?
Love,
Peter Paul and Mary
