JEFF PEARLMAN

JEFF PEARLMAN

WHAT!?

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We spoke with my mother in law today. Though we’re in Spain and she’s in Florida, the news is no less jarring: Bristol and Levi are not getting married after all.

Staggering.

Absolutely staggering.

When love brings two people together, only the devil can split them apart. And since Sarah Palin is, factually, el diablo, I blame her. Then again, I don’t blame her. I blame myself. I could have helped those two kids; could have talked to them about commitment and togetherness; about the power of two coming together to conquer the world. I could have told them that America needs hope, and sometimes hope takes an odd form. I could have told them about my own marriage—how, after having appeared naked in Playgirl, my wife still agreed to take me as her husband.

Life is funny, I would tell Bristol and Levi, and just because your fiance impregnated another woman doesn’t mean he can’t impregnate you (again), too.

Worst of all, what will Sarah do? With Levi and Bristol together, we had the perfect first family in place. They could have held hands, walked on the stage, screamed to the GOP Convention, “Yes, you can be 18 and mildly impaired and still work things out!”

Yes We Can!

PS: And Sarah Palin is against gay marriage. Friggin’ ludicrous.

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