JEFF PEARLMAN

Coming October 2022: "The Last Folk Hero: The Life and Myth of Bo Jackson"

The cynic in me

A few minutes ago I stopped in at my local Chase to make a withdrawl. Saw this sign in the lobby:

The wife and I are vastly different people when it comes to this stuff. She generally assumes the best in people, be they individuals or even corporations. “Why,” she asks, “can’t you accept goodness at face value?”

I just can’t.

When I think of banks—Chase, Citi, everyone—I think of greed. I think of evil. I think, mostly, of mortgages, and the damage inflicted upon vast swaths of people over the past few years. Hence, when I see Chase talking about its love of country and the troops, I immediately assume it’s some sort of PR bullshit; a ploy to wave the flag and get suckers to say, “Wow, what wonderful people!” and open accounts. I mean, does anyone really think the Chase big guns held a meeting and said, “Here’s an idea! Let’s devise a completely unselfish way to help our troops?” Uh … no.

I wish I smelled the flowers.

Usually, it’s just the poop.