Bathroom etiquette

Am in a library. Had to use the bathroom. It was a one-person room. Wiped the seat, covered it with toilet paper, sat down. Hey, we’ve all been there.

Sitting for, oh, two minutes. A knock at the door. Another knock. “I’m in here,” I said.

“I’m here with my son,” a woman said. “He has to go. Are you going to be much longer, or should I take him downstairs?”

To be literal, and blunt, I’m pooping. I’m FRIGGIN’ POOPING! I don’t care that your son has to go; I don’t care that you’re too lazy to walk one (one!) flight of steps to locate the other bathroom here. There is standard bathroom protocol in this country, and it does not involve asking a person, through the door, whether he can rapidly finish his crap so that Junior can commence his.

Amen.

5 thoughts on “Bathroom etiquette”

  1. OK, calm down. Number one, she didn’t know how long you had been in there. Two, she didn’t know precisely what you were doing just then (such as drying your hands after washing them, perhaps). Three, she was faced with an urgent situation with her child, something with which you yourself might be familiar? Four, she gave you an option to respond to as you could have easily said, “You better take him downstairs.” She wasn’t demanding your immediate exit, she needed more information with which to make a decision. Nothing to get upset about here.

  2. “I’m in here,” should have sufficed.

    Asking once is fine. Interrupting to ask a second time seeking clarification is rude.

  3. Are you kidding, Jeff? Your incessant whining has gone to a new level. Complaining about a woman who has the audacity to ask when you might be through in the bathroom? I was drawn to your blog because I’ve enjoyed your writing over the years, but the stuff you post here really makes you sound ridiculous. You need to get over yourself.

  4. You should have done what my 5 year old does. 1. take a GIANT dump. 2. don’t wipe 3. leave it for the next person. We call it the tri fec ta. It’s his calling card.

  5. Maybe she wasn’t lazy, maybe she wasn’t sure he would make it.
    Of course there is the injured or handicapped angle. Not everyone is in good physical condition.
    When I was in my 20s, in the prime of my life, strong, athletic, walked my dog for hours, hiked 12 miles into a wilderness area – – – – Injured my back at work.
    The pain ran down my leg, I thought I had some horrible disease. For 3 days I had to roll out of bed and crawl to the bathroom. Just like that I realized how easy it is to lose it all. It bothered me a lot for 2 years and a little for a couple after that.

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