The Rosebergs

So last week, on our way home from a few days of vacation, the wife and I stopped off at a souvenir shop in Maine. Somehow the wife knew of the place, and even noted (somewhat excitedly) that it was one of the biggest lighthouse-themed stores in the country.

Dare to dream.

Anyhow, upon entering we were saddened to find that one of the biggest lighthouse-themed stores in the country is going out of business. The shelves, once surely loaded with merchandise, were fairly sparse, with most everything marked “60 PERCENT OFF” in big, bold, black lettering. The pickings were thin—lighthouse models with obscure states, pens that didn’t seem to work, postcards, a couple of staplers (everything must go!) magnets with names like Chad and Phillip and Bruce. Boring, dull, boring, dull, boring, dull …


It called me. Really, it did. The slab was gray, some sort of synthetic pseudo-slate, with an etching of a lighthouse in white. It was about, oh, 1 1/2 feet by 2 feet. The words—those beautiful, amazing words—sold me …



I looked at the wife.

“No,” she said.

“Yes,” I said.

“No,” she said.

“Yes,” I said.

“Well, how much is it?” she said.

“$4.88,” I said.

“You’re going to spend $5 on a slate that says ‘The Rosebergs’?” she said.

“Hell, yes,” I said.

And I did. Best part came when I reached the check-out line, and the store manager said, “We’ve been wondering when someone named Roseberg would come in and buy that.” To which I replied, “Yeah, my name isn’t Roseberg.”

“Oh,” she said. “Oh.”

We brought it back to New York; to our little suburban street with lawns and driveways. And now, God bless America, it is nestled comfortably (and safely) in a neighbor’s front yard, propped up against a tree and waiting—just waiting—to be discovered.

I love this shit.

2 thoughts on “The Rosebergs”

  1. I just got back from Maine myself and stopped in the very same store. I would have bought that sign for $4.88 if it were there but you beat me to it. I wanted it to honor my late wife Ethel.
    I ended up buying The Smiths sign instead.

    Sigh 🙁

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