A Really Big Dork

While watching tonight’s Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals, I was dismayed to watch the TNT cameras flash to Justin Bieber, sitting near courtside.

Why dismayed? Because whenever I see Bieber, I am reminded that millions of young Americans consider him to be the personification of cool. And, to me, Justin Bieber is a big fucking dork.

Yes, I just wrote that—Big. Fucking. Dork. Hell, just look at him. Really, take a second and look at the photograph above. A. He’s wearing sunglasses indoors—for absolutely no useful reason. B. His hat has never before been worn, and was—almost certainly—selected by a stylist or “swag coach” (he has one) for the occasion. C. He’s wearing an all-leather outfit. D. The Mr. T chains. E. Knockoff Nashville Predator logo tattoo. Perhaps worst of all, as Bieber sat and took in the action, his bodyguard stood behind him, blocking the views of people who paid—what?—$10,000 a ticket?

Hmm … this sounds petty. I don’t mean it as such. I’ve got no beef with the guys from One Direction, with Usher, with Selena Gomez or Drake or the “Call Me Maybe” chick or most any modern pop standout. But Bieber … Bieber symbolizes everything I loathe in today’s trendy culture. It’s all about being as unoriginal as possible; following trends; playing it safe and allowing others to tell you what to wear, what to eat, how to walk, how to talk. “Justin, everyone wears their pants down low, with a little underwear showing”—Justin wears his pants low, with a little underwear showing. Justin, you can’t watch a basketball game without a bodyguard—Justin has a bodyguard. Justin, you should wear a molded plastic bag—Justin wears a molded plastic bag.

Perhaps, if his music was even remotely interesting, I could let this pass.

But the guy sucks.


4 thoughts on “A Really Big Dork”

  1. Thanks for taking the words right out of my mouth. Kudos! He will fade away soon enough. His status as a pre-teen idol is dissipating.

  2. Perhaps I’m reading between the lines here, but if you look at his actual eyes (and you can see t hem behind the sunglasses) the kid actually looks scared.

  3. I agree that Bieber is dorky. Showing a “little” underwear??? Are you kidding? I’ve seen pics of him traipsing around while performing and in everyday life with his pants below the bottom of his underwear. All his mannerisms when he’s performing are imitations of black rappers. What is with the raised eyebrows above the stupid sunglasses indoors too? The chains look ridiculous. The flat bill on the hat is the stupidest trend I’ve ever seen. He just looks like a little kid trying really hard to look cool and failing miserably to me. I think it’s pathetic that teens follow someone like this and try to model themselves after him.

  4. Out here in SoCal the ‘big’ story has been how he tools around his neighbourhood too fast in one of his sports cars. Last week Keyshawn Johnson, who was part of the group that developed the community and lives there as well, got in the news when he went up to Bieber’s door to talk to him about his driving…and Bieber wouldn’t come out.

    Hate on him all you want, it’s pretty sad that the kid has to hide from Keyshawn in his own neighbourhood.

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