Don’t get a fucking neck tattoo.

Hello, I am unemployable.

Hello, I am unemployable.

Dear Young Person:

Don’t do it. Don’t get a neck tattoo. Seriously, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t do it.

I know you feel you’re cool. And invincible. You’ve got cred and hops and smarts and all that other shit, and your favorite celebrity has a tattoo of a Harley motoring across his throat.

Don’t. Do. It.

Don’t.

The reason your favorite celebrity has a tattoo of a Harley motoring across his throat is because he’s a celebrity. He made $5 million for his last album, and another $3 million for his deal with Coca-Cola. If he saves his money (a big fucking if, sadly), he’ll never have to go on another job interview the rest of his life.

You, on the other hand, do.

Because you’re young and prone to sheep-like behaviors, you don’t fully understand how the rest of the population views folks with neck tattoos. Here’s an example: You interview for a job at Starbucks. You have a neck tattoo, the other candidate doesn’t. You’re not landing the gig. Same goes for K-Mart, Target, Dunkin’ Donuts … etc … etc.

Take it another step: You’ve busted your ass to graduate college. 3.5 GPA. Good stuff. You start applying for corporate jobs. With a neck tattoo, no one hires you. Fuck, no one looks at you. So, frustrated, you go to law school. Takes three years, you again excel. You’re a friggin’ great future lawyer with skills out the rear. You apply to 10 firms. Seven call you in. The minute (like, the very minute) they see your neck tattoo, it’s over. Your interview is complete—even if they opt to humor you with some fluff questions.

I can’t state this with enough oomph. Getting a neck tattoo ruins you. R-U-I-N-S you.

Here, at 18, you can’t see clearly, because you’re blinded by the fog of inanity.

But, trust me, one day it will come back to bite you.

And you’ll remember this post.

Love,

Jeffie

PS: And who the hell gets a tattoo on the back of his/her neck? I mean, you can’t even see it. Are you that desperate to be noticed?

153 thoughts on “Don’t get a fucking neck tattoo.”

  1. “Don’t get a neck tattoo?” Nonsense! You don’t need a job. Saddle dad and mom with supporting you for the rest of your life. After all you did not ask to be born. So get a neck tattoo and don’t worry about making a living.

  2. I don’t like neck tattoos. But I gotta say, cultural attitudes change as culture changes. When I was younger, most people weren’t hired if you could even see their tattoos. Now. Well, look around. No one gives a shit.

    So, while I agree: don’t get the neck tattoo, it’s not because of what society thinks (fuck society), it’s because of what I think (just kidding, who cares about me? And I’ll be just fine if you get a neck tatt).

  3. I work at Walmart. I have a Master’s Degree. I do not want to go into my field presently, due to health issues. I can have a stool at Walmart, relax, and cashier. Most of my coworkers have MANY visible tattoos, including several with neck tattoos. I have all of about six teeth due to domestic violence and I have not bothered to go about getting a denture because I can still eat anything I want and function just fine. I want to get a small symbol just behind my ear, and some script on the side of my neck. I’m nearly 36 years old. I find your article insulting. I’m consulting with different artists because one stated that the script would not look good in 10 years. That I am willing to listen to, and consider. However, I want the tattoo where I want it due to deeply personal reasons. This tattoo is a way to release myself from a LIFETIME of TORTURE and ABUSE. It is personal to have it EXACTLY where I want it. You ASSUME everyone that considers a neck tattoo is some dumb teenaged boy. With my hair? You won’t even see the tattoo unless I pull my hair back and want you to see it. Nor would my having a tattoo anywhere on my body affect my job unless it was vulgar or crude in nature. So many of my coworkers have facial or neck tattoos that no one even blinks and this is an Academy store with an extremely strict store manager who still requires collared polos in two colors with only two colors of pants. So many stores allow shorts, or t-shirts, not our store. The world is changing as each generation gets more and more into the exploration of body modification and even high paying white collar jobs are coming to a point where they have to consider people with tattoos or they would go belly up for lack of candidates. Lumping everyone into one category is ignorant and rude. A gross overgeneralization I find offensive. I really hope some day you learn that not everyone is the same and that some people are intelligent enough to understand consequences and are prepared to (OMGOSH!) cover the tattoo via make-up or, like myself, hair when doing things in a professional world if the situation requires it. Starbucks, Dunkin’ Donuts, K-Mart, and Target don’t give a rats behind about your neck tattoo. I’ve seen many a person in these places plastered to the nines in tattoos looking like a professional “Get Ink” billboard. Should someone get a tattoo in a very public place without being old enough to understand how it many impact their life? No. Just like someone shouldn’t produce offspring if they’re not old enough to handle it. But to tell ALL people they shouldn’t do it based off the incorrect information that entry level BS jobs won’t accepting you is asinine. FFS.

  4. Don’t get any tattoo, period. Certainly don’t get a neck tattoo. Dudes with neck tattoos look like criminals. Girls with neck tattoos (don’t know if I’ve seen one) but they got to look like the cheapest whores imaginable.

    1. I got into a bad accident at work… I was rushed to the hospital. I felt my life flashing before my eyes. Guess who saved my life… a tattooed up doctor. Neck tattoos, finger tattoos. I owe my life to that doctor. Now tell me who’s the criminal… again, you’re another ignorant SOB that has no idea how the world turns. People with tattoos, help the world in so many ways you have no idea. And what is you’re contribution to this world? Pfft

  5. Just about everyone I’ve met who’s got a neck tattoo is low-life scum. It’s not because of the tattoo, it’s because of their personality. It’s only my opinion, not a fact. There are a few exceptions. But these people came from a rough background. And given the choice today they wouldn’t do it. Maybe tattoos are getting more fashionable but fashion is fickle. One day you might regret your choices. I agree we have the right of expression. It’s not fair but some people are gonna judge you. Why put yourself in that position for body-art. I was gonna get a cool Chinese dragon on my shoulder twenty years ago but didn’t have the $500 cash. Now I have a nicer-looking one but its hanging on my living room wall.

  6. If you have a ph.d in engineering you are more than a rock star and everybody is going to put up w. your shitty ink.

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